NY ♥ NY

(photo from Gothamist, taken by Nick Whitaker)

In order from least to most awkward. Read and cringe in recognition.

10. When people announce to the entire subway car why they need money.

( “Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I’m sorry to interrupt, but…” )

This is ranked least awkward because it is more of a moment in which I’m torn between feeling bad for the person and questioning whether or not they’re being truthful. Many times the person begging does not get any acknowledgment, let alone any money. Makes me remember the power of diffusion of responsibility and conformity.

9. When everyone in the subway car stares.

(At you.)

Why? Because you lost balance and fell directly into the lap of the middle-aged creepster behind you. Or, because you got caught between the car doors as they were closing, proceeded to struggle and fight to get into the car, and then had to resume composure. Or, because you were standing on the subway platform waiting for the car doors to open, staring at the people who were waiting to get out of the train.

8. When you try to ignore everyone else.

(Which do you stare at – floor or advertisement?)

Subway riders are pros at avoiding eye contact and ignoring each other’s existence. So when it comes to making awkward eye contact, the question is always whether to look at the floor, the subway map (which is awkward for the people sitting there), or the advertisements above everyone’s heads. I once saw an ad (for some alcohol, I forget which) that said “Because it’s more polite than reading your neighbor’s book.” That’s another option, of course – reading over someone’s shoulder. I guess the best solution to this would be to bring your own reading material.

7. When you overhear a conversation.

Out of context, anything can be misinterpreted (and thus, humorous or stupid or both). People’s subway conversations are no exception. I mean, obviously, everyone wants to know about your late-night sexcapades and significant other woes.

6. When the lights go out in the subway car.

Everytime this happens, I half expect a person who’s afraid of the dark to flip out. It never happens, probably because NO ONE talks (or makes any noise) when the lights go out.

5. When you’re forced to get up-close-and-personal with everyone else.

You have no choice. You’ve somehow squeezed onto the subway car during rush hour and have now found yourself wedged under the arm of a guy with horrible B.O. and up against the crotch of a balding businessman. Downside: Strangers in NYC are never supposed to get this close. Ever. Upside: You don’t have to hold onto anything because it’s so packed that you can’t fall (see Moment #9)

4. When you fall asleep…

And wake up to someone staring at you. It happens. It is creepy. Just fall back asleep and pretend you didn’t see. (That’s what I did.)

3. When you are blatantly hit on.

This happens as well – I can attest to it. I was just standing there fuming as these 2 men stared nonstop and proceeded to comment continuously about me. I bit my lip as I thought of all the different ways I could tell them off. I didn’t actually do it.

2. When you can’t run away from creepy people trying to talk to you.

You’re ignoring everyone, as usual. Until someone weird decides to make awkward conversation with you. You cannot run away. Luckily, I once took the wrong train and was able to get off at the next stop, before Mr. Crazy could tell me more about what he knew about my cell phone plan.

1. When you can’t run away from acquaintances/ex’s.

This is the worst. Seriously. You run into someone whom you only know vaguely – or worse, someone you dated/hooked up with/don’t talk to/counted on never seeing again. You can’t ignore them but you have nothing to say to them. So you try to make smalltalk while simultaneously looking around the subway car for some kind of help. There’s no way out of this one until one of your stops comes up.

If you think I ranked incorrectly or missed anything, please comment. Happy subway riding, kids!